More Weird News

Riding Bare-butt?

The "World Naked Bike Ride" took place in St. Louis recently. The ride ( a protest to society's dependence on oil) has been staged in 70 cities world-wide since 2004. St. Louis police guarded to ensure bicyclists wore the bare minimum - thongs, pasties, loin cloths, bathing suits, and body painting. One rider got away with wearing only a pink derby hat.

Hmmmm....... I can understand all the "bare minimums" except for the pasties and the body paint. I have visions of the riders ripping through the gears of their 10-speeds to attain a vigorous clip. Suddenly, pasties start flying off in all directions, mini Frisbees threatening to poke out eyes. Riders, caught in the pasty blizzard, zip and zag to avoid the crossfire. A massive pile-up ensues. Kissing the pavement nude would create a lot of bush burns. Oops! I mean brush burns, not to mention the injuries to dangling parts caught in spokes and gears.

Body paint. Now that camouflages body parts from youthful eyes. What are they thinking here? Painted twin soccer balls, peanut M&M's, Easter eggs, or a pair of bulging eyes? I picked large objects to illustrate my visions. I doubt small-busted women would have gone for duos of raisins, jack balls, or peas in a pod. How about the male frontal view. A banana tree, an aardvark, or a pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey board (tail attached) for the guys? A creative artist would have a field day with these human canvasses!


When Ya Gotta Go......

Washington State Police cited a driver for spilling tons of dirt along a Seattle highway and backing up traffic for hours. His crime? "Driving with wheels off the road."

First, I didn't know you could be cited for not driving between the lines. Maybe it's only an offense in WA because senior citizens in PA do it all the time. Usually, they are more off the road than on.

Second, this driver had a real emergency. He needed a restroom badly and didn't know where he'd find one since he was unfamiliar with the area. Pulling off the road to do his business seemed like the only choice at the time. How was he to know his truck would slip down an embankment and dump 49 tons of river sediment? When ya gotta go, ya gotta go. If you're at that gut-bursting stage, you're not thinking clearly. We've all been there. I think the police should have shown some sympathy and waived the charges. The embarrassment of causing a dump trying to take a dump is enough punishment. I'm assuming the 27-year-old relieved himself before the cops came or they would have cited him for indecent exposure, too.


Just Not His Day

A Clinton, PA man swerved to avoid hitting a deer just before 2 a.m. recently. While doing so, an ash from a cigarette fell onto a newspaper lying on the passenger-side floor. The paper caught fire. The man tried to beat out the flames devouring the newspaper, but ran into a guardrail. He escaped from the car and watched while it was consumed by the fire.

Jeez... I can usually tell I'm going to have a bad day when my electric toothbrush gets caught in my hair first thing in the morning. It doesn't appear as if this poor dude had an omen or took one seriously or he would have found a hole to hide in until the next day. This has to be one of those events that people claim are really funny much later. If this were me, it would be a long time before I found the humor in auto-toasting. The irony is he was trying to avoid damage to his car by missing the deer! This story has the makings of a "life comes at you fast..." TV commercial.